Thank You Body!

You know I did something that I try to avoid as much as possible these days and that is look in the mirror. I mean really look. I do this to make sure that my clothes, makeup and hair look presentable or that my fat rolls are not really apparent. But today I really took a good look. I took the time to look at my round face, my breast, my belly, my thighs, yes I took a minute to take it all in. I would be the first to admit that my body is no where near what I want it to be BUT IT IS MINE. I have over the years allowed myself to go out of control. I have ballooned to the heaviest weight of my life and this is not good. As a result of the extra weight I have water retention, I have PCOS, and I was recently diagnosed with a mild case of sleep apnea that the doctor said could honestly go away with weight loss.

When people see me they don't believe that I could be shy or insecure on some levels. However, I am here to tell you that it is true. I have allowed myself to sit in the corner and hold the purses while all of my friends dance. I have allowed my spark to hide behind my fat. I have allowed my self worth to be determined to a great deal by the outside package. It is possible to be those things and appear to be part of why I have allowed my body to become as the charts would put it morbidly obese. I have gone on this journey in the past only to fail again and again. I have made excuses like I am just a big girl. I don't look that big. I like me the way I am. But today I am saying here and now that this will be my journey to success. I am going to let my little light shine (or rather my spark :) ). My journey to my current weight was not a short one. I have always been taller than average. I have always been a little larger but it was in my early 20's that I started to creep up more and more and more. I remember the first time that I topped 200 lbs and I was devastated but like many things in life I allowed myself to be okay with that until the weight continued to pile on. I refuse to be looking back talking about when I first topped 300 lbs and so on and so forth.

So where do I start? Well I am on SparkPeople again. I am also using my tools from WW and I am trying to really look inside to figure out what is eating me that keeps me from putting myself and my health first. While I have been gaining the weight my body has still been allowing me to be relatively healthy. I don't have high blood pressure, I don't have diabetes, I don't have high cholesterol, and I can finish most workouts that I start. Therefore I want to start out by thanking my body for not giving up on me even when it appears that I have given up on it! THANK YOU BODY!!!!!!

Now I owe you! I promise to honor you the best way that I know how. I will use the resources that I have to make sure that you are strong and healthy. I will make sure that you represent the beauty that I have inside. I will even love you the way that are today because you have not betrayed me the way that I have betrayed you. Although loving you the way that you are is empowering it does not mean that we will not change together. I will love you as we evolve but I will not beat myself or you up for not being what I want right now.

So thank you body. Thank you so much even though I have let you down. I will continue to be me but better. I thank you for hanging in there with me.

Together we are going to do this thing and be better for it. I'm not the average girl from your video, and I ain't built like a supermodel but I learned to love my self unconditionally because I am a queen. my worth is not determined by the price of my clothes, no matter what I am wearing I will always be me (paraphrase from India.Arie's song Video). Love, Me