I am sitting here at Midway Airport. I was in this weekend for a wedding. One of my childhood friends got married for the second time and he seems to be very happy. I know that he is a person that likes to be married and this is going to be good for him but that wife that he married seems a little different. I just hope that he is going to be truly happy and fulfilled. Most of the people that were in his wedding were childhood friends as well. All of the groomsmen are married and they have children as well. A couple of them were guys who we used to play catch a girl kiss a girl with :). Sitting here as the spinster of the group I got to wondering what I should be doing. What is it about me and the choices that I have made that has led me to. Hmmm I am thinking and thinking.
I am heading back home to T's house. I am feeling more and more as if this is not my home at all. T and I have been having issues. Since 2006 she has been a totally different person. This was a difficult year for her considering it was the year that both her father and brother died. I have only tried to be a good friend to her but she can only seem to be tolerant of me at best and more often mean and insensitive. She says that it is tough love but I am not on crack and that is not what is needed from her. Every time I try to talk to her it seems as if it does not really do any good. I feel as if I am always the person that wants to make sure that everything is okay. In doing this I often am the one who has to bring up talks or make concessions. T says that she is the way that she is because she thinks that I should be doing so much more than I am currently doing with my life. Right now what I am doing is what I want to do. I also don’t think that just because I am not doing what she things I should be doing makes it okay for her to treat me like sh*t. This is how I feel. So I will be moving out into my own place. I am mixed about this. I am happy in some ways because it has been a while since I have been able to call a place my own. I am sad because I am afraid that I will be alone. I know that just because I am alone does not mean that I am doomed to be lonely but it seems that way. I am going to miss the boys so much. Anyone who knows me know that I love those boys so very much and yes they love me. I am also going to miss Princess a lot. She was not supposed to be my dog but she has evolved into just that. The place that I am moving to does not allow dogs so that makes me sad. The feeling that I am having is heaviness in my heart. It really and truly hurts I actually have a physical pain that I cannot describe. I don’t want our friendship/sisterhood to end. I would hate for a friendship of over 13 years to just fall to the waist side. This to shall pass right????
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