I Want To Be A Big Loser

Okay I admit it….this chick scares me! I don’t know if anyone that reads this blog watches the Biggest Loser but in case you don’t this lady is Jillian Michaels and she is just plain “Bad Ass”. A couple of years ago I braved the cold for several hours so that I could “audition” to be on the Biggest Loser to be tortured (I mean motivated) by either her or the other trainer Bob. If by any chance you have never seen this show it starts off with a group of very obese people and these trainers work them out, talk with them and teach them new ways of eating all with the end goal of winning cash but most importantly winning over their weight. It is not uncommon for the people on the show to loose 15-20 pounds in one week with just diet and intense exercise. By the time the time the end of the season arrives the end result is amazing...so much so you almost cannot recognize the individual that used to be hidden behind all of the weight.

There were so many different people out there who had one thing in common we were all overweight.. The line took forever. Who would have thought that so many fat people (and some of us were really fat) could STAND in line for several hours (admittedly a few brought chairs). Let me first say that I thought I was so in! First of all I have a considerable amount of weight to loose. Second of all the producers came and pulled me out of line and they had me say (into the camera none the less) “My name is “Fab Girl” and I am the Biggest Loser”…I waited with baited breath hoping that I would get a call back but needless to say I did not. As a side note I want to share the one thing that my Godson said to me when I got home that evening.

Snugglebug: “Did they pick you for the Biggest Loser?”
Me: Well I don’t know yet they are supposed to call me back
Snugglebug: “Well I hope they do

A couple of days past

Snugglebug: Did they call you yet?
Me: No, I don’t think they are going to call
Snugglebug: Well, if they don’t I know why
Me: Really? Why?
Snugglebug: Because you are not fat enough

Okay, it may sound silly but he was only 6 at the time and that was the best thing that he could have said to me.

I have not seen the Biggest Loser this season but I do have it taped on my DVR and I watch it for some motivation.

I know every year brings about this thing about wanting to lose weight. I did do pretty good during 2008 I lost about 30 pounds but I recently gained about 10 back. I need to get back on the stick because I was in tears last year at this time because I was at my all time high as far as weight. Now back to Jillian Michaels this chick is just hard not only in body but in grit. She really gets results from her team.

However, my personal favorite on the show is Bob Harper… I think that he is cute and he is a great trainer but he doesn’t scream at you, I am pretty sure that I am not his cup of tea, but the fact that this cute guy is making me exercise will guarantee at least a few pounds a week.
I have decided that I am going to up my pledge to myself this year and really devote myself to becoming a better me. I don’t know if I will ever be rock hard like Jillian but I am going to continue on my journey to be the best me that I can be. I will start putting myself and my health first. So yeah you read right...I want to be a big loser in the best way possible.

Sentimental Moment

Okay so today I had a sentimental moment. I admit that I am a sentimental person in general but today I had a special moment. Let me explain. I had an aunt (yes had she has since left this earth) who I will call The Wicked Witch of the Midwest (WW for short). Well WW and I had a history before she died (I will write about that later). Well I was living in Chicago at the time and WW was living there as well. I was working at one of my first real jobs after college and I had a jacket that I wore. Anyone who has experienced a Chicago winter will attest that a jacket just will not do it when it is cold. Well anyhew I did not see her that much but I went over her house one day to drop something off to her. Well the following conversation began:

WW: "Is that the only coat that you have?"

Me: "Yes, but it is okay"

WW: " You need a better coat"

Me: " No, I am fine" *all the while thinking that I am cold as hell

Well I went on about my way becuase as I said WW and I were not and had not been on very good terms and I was only going over there because my mom wanted me to help her sister. Well a couple of weeks later I get a call from WW asking me to meet her downtown at a tall girls store. I still did not get what was up but basically when I met her there she told the lady that her niece needed a coat. Okay, now I had a lot of animosity for WW due to our past. I did not walk around all of the time with these feelings in fact I had filed them away and decided not to deal with her but I was honestly touched that she had went out of her way to make sure that I had a decent winter coat.

Here lies the sentimentality of today...I put on the coat for the first time this winter. I have had this coat for about 8 years now and the zipper is hanging on by it's last thread, the pockets have holes. However, when I put it on this morning I got a warm feeling about WW thinking enough to bring me downtown to buy me this new coat. Now, things did not get warm and fuzzy by any means after all of this but I saw a glimpse of the aunt that I used to love when I was little. I was really confused as to how she could do something so nice out of the blue when she had done and said so many horrible things in the past. I had to stop and realize it for the blessing that it was...because my little butt was freezing.

Happy Thanksgiving

Hey I just wanted to take a moment to wish you all a Happy Thanksgiving. I know that in spite of whatever craziness I have going on in my life I should take time out to be thankful. I am thankful for so many things and people in my life. I am thankful for my relationship with God that I am always working on. I am thankful for my family and real friends. I am thankful for all of the things that make me smile.

Speaking of happiness and smiling...tomorrow is Black Friday...ohhh so scarey. Now don't get me wrong I so want to go shopping but I will resist for the most part. We all know this means that the countdown for Christmas has began.




Christmas Countdowns



So for those of you who will brave the crowds on tomorrow...Happy shopping

Embrace The Change

Change can be such a scary thing. In many ways it is exciting and exhilarating. However, in other ways it can be daunting. I know that I get caught up in doing the same things, seeing the same people in short forming habits that I must say can be hard to break. It got me to thinking why is change so hard? Why is it so darn scary? I don't know what other people's answers would be but I know that the fear of the unknown when I make the change can scare the heck out of me.

The funny part about it is that I am not this way in all areas of my life. For instance I am usually the first of my friends and family to know about a new product, tool, place, etc. I also consider myself an agent of change in the workplace. While I must admit that I do better with change when given some sort of notice so that I may "prepare" myself but once that is done I can usually get on board. Why is this so hard in other areas of my life and the life of others. The only thing that I can pin this on is fear.

I willingly admit that fear holds really strong for me at times. I think that we can all agree that at times a healthy amount of fear has kept us and keep us from doing some dumb things. For example is was fear of becoming a drug addict that made it easy for me to say no to drugs. It was the fear of coming home and telling my mom that I was pregnant in high school that kept me from playing house with my first high school "love" who wanted to get high while playing house so that we could make pretty babies...whoa did I dodge that bullet...(he was so cute...but obviously not full of the smartest ideas).

However when fear starts to control me or make me afraid to take a chance on things that I would most likely recover from if it did not work out I should just jump in right? The two mantras that I try to repeat to myself when I am fearful about something are:

" You have nothing to fear but fear itself" and " God does not give us a spirit of fear but of power, love, and self control" (2 Timothy 1:7)

I know that I tend to do the safe thing most times. I do have one fear that I don't want to come true and that is letting fear rule me so much that it keeps me from living the fabulous life that this fab girl so clearly deserves. So I am saying it right here and right now I will not allow fear to be the main reason (or even one of the top 5 reasons) that I don't do something, say something, go somewhere, or take a chance that I really would like to do.

In other words I am going make it a goal to work on "Embracing the Change" that of course is the Fabulous Thing to do.

Until next time

Peace and Blessings

Me

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

Okay, on occassion I will drop a few pop culture things on my blog. Therefore check out this trailer. I like Brad Pitt okay, I mean he is not hard to look at most of the time and I still think that the timeline when he was married and when he got with his baby mama overlapped quite a bit. However, I was checking out an Oprah episode last week and he was on promoting this movie. It opens on Christmas Day and I intend to check it out. The movie is based on a short story by F. Scott Fitzgerald...whose book " The Great Gasby" you no doubt had to read in school.

The premise is that of a man who ages backwards. I mean he is born old and becomes young as he "ages". While he is becoming younger everyone else around him of course continue to age normally. His wife, his son, everyone. It makes you think about life, living, and mortality in general. It looks compelling and it gives new meaning to the phrase "Once a man and twice a child"

Me

Burden or Blessing?

Is it a burden or a blessing to be exactly who you are? This is a question that I have to ask myself on the regular. Sometimes depending on the situation I wish that I could have a different attitude, different thoughts, do things different, or just be something different than what I am right now. Now don't get me wrong this fabulous girl does realize her value and the place that it has had, does have, and will have in this world but sometimes it seems to be more of a burden.

For example I have been told that I have such a big heart. Now this is a blessing right? I mean with a big heart I can be more loving, more open, and generally just more. To be honest most of the time I like having this "big heart" I mean it allows me to love deeply. It allows me to feel compassion for others that some other people just don't get. It allows me to find joy in the smallest things. However, it can be a burden when with this big heart I tend to take on more than one should. When my heart is "broken" it hearts a great deal and often takes a little more time than average to be repaired. I have always been very empathetic but I find myself often trying to fix things or trying to make sure that those around me are happy.

That is just one of my examples but there are many out there. There are people for who are particularly skilled in a certain area and this is often considered a blessing or a gift. The burden comes in when that gift or talent is used unjustly, ridiculed, or simply taken for granted. How about when your "blessing" defines you or totally engulfs you? Now I know that the bearer has control on how they and their abilities are used but I am saying that often times this is much easier said than done.

Until Next Time

Peace and Blessings,

Me

Time To Change My Approach

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." - The Serenity Prayer

For those of you who are not familiar with the above it is the prayer that is used in many twelve step programs such as Alcoholics Anonymous. For many years I have heard or seen some version of the above prayer. I have seen it hanging in offices. I have seen it on a co-workers desk. I have even whispered it myself a few times. The purpose of the prayer is to allow the person saying it to realize that they can be agents of change but they have to know when and what they are able to change. I think to myself how often I wish certain things or certain people will change. Personally, I am going through this right now. I find myself wishing that people would do things differently or that they would treat me differently. Heck, I find myself wishing that things were just different. Well wish as I may the thing that is apparent is that I have control over myself and that is the one entity that I can change for sure.

How do I change myself without changing who I fundamentally am. To me this is much easier said than done. I have friends and family alike who don't see the big deal but for me it is just that. This is especially true if you have been doing the same things for so long. What do you do when it is part of your identity to be the loving, caring, supportive, fun, dependable person but at the same time you never really have any of that returned to you? How do you tell the difference between what can be changed and what cannot be changed so in effect how do you know the difference? I guess like the programs that use this prayer this is a process that must be taken in steps. I recently came across some advice that I am going to try and follow. It states the following:

• Accept people as they are- This may seem like a no-brainer but my friend Ms.Nikki points this out very clearly in one of her recent post called Take The Hint that people let you know who they are by their actions. It really does not take rocket science...and you should not be "trying to figure it out" when it is right there all along.
• How can I respond differently to relationships that I am in where I am wishing they would change? Basically, I guess I need to stop wishing they would change and accept them for the less perfect than me person that they are :). Seriously, I choose my responses right? People can only treat you the way that you allow them to treat you. Wow this is a big one for me because I am often torn because I want to still respect the person (a parent or other elder for example) but at the same time I am often so pissed at the treatment that it will send me to tears. There has to be a middle ground or maybe the only ground is that I need to check them before they wreck me.
• What boundaries if any do I need to set in order to protect my own peace and serenity? Boundaries are a must. I have to repeat to myself that people will only treat you the way that you allow them to treat you. Boundaries are a must. People will only do what you let them do. For example I don't like being taken for granted. Don't get me wrong I don't need accolades for everything that I say and/or do for a person but on occasion a show of appreciation is well...appreciated. It should also not be assumed that this is what I am going to do or that in some way I am supposed to do it.
• Have I met the request to change? Whoa hold up wait a minute this is not about me changing right? But it is. There are ways that I can change. I may have to adapt. Is this possible without changing my core as I stated earlier? It has to be. I am believer that we continually evolve throughout our lives in no way should we remain static. However special attention may have to be paid to certain areas. One of the hard facts to swallow is that maybe it is me that should change. Maybe the people in my life have been telling me that I am the one that needs to change. I don't always see this but it could be up for discussion.
• Self Reflection- I am all for self reflection...almost to a fault. I know that by looking inward I am often able to see things that I can adjust. This is an ongoing exercise that I encourage.

That is all for now. I will keep thinking and I will keep you updated.

Peace and Blessings,

Me

There Will Never Be Another Today

I was chatting with a co-worker today and we were just generally talking about our weekend plans. She then said to me " You know there will never be another today". I mean it was totally out of the blue. At first I was like...okay? However, it did get me to thinking. It made me realize how I should cherish each day. One of my favorite songs is by Tim McGraw called " Live Like You are Dying". The words tell of a man who found out some bad news from his doctors and he said that he then went on to live out all of the things that he had been wanting to do. The truth is that we should all have this attitude without feeling like we are dying but the grim truth is that we are. Each day that I wake up I thank God for giving me one more chance to get it right. While at the same time it is one less day that I have.

I think of how many times I rushed through each of my days trying to get things done. I have gone through days wishing they would just hurry up and end. I think of times that I have been with loved ones and not really cherished that time. I thought about the last time that I spoke with my grandmother who was 93 when she passed away. When I would speak with her over the phone I would always end my calls with an "I love you". I knew that one day that would be the last time that I would be able to say those words to her. While I was sad to hear the words that my grandmother had passed away I was happy to know that in my last conversation with her only a couple of days before I had told her that I loved her. I knew it and she knew it.

I know that I have to embrace each day for the unique day that it is. I may do the same thing, see the same people, go the same way to work, eat the same foods the truth is that each day is a day that I have never seen nor will I ever see again.

So, I will take the challenge to remember that there will never be another today and enjoy each day for its uniqueness.

I Am Just Happy

It has been over two weeks since we elected Barack Obama as the 44th President of the United States. I have read countless articles and post on the meaning of this historic election. I have seen endless news stories and commentaries on this election and on this man. I don't really have much more to add to all of the great feelings of achievement, pride, joy, accomplishment other than ditto. I have been trying to find the words of eloquence to explain how I feel about this new era that our country is about to embark upon. Well I just don't have any fancy words the best that I can come up with is that " I AM JUST HAPPY"

I know that President-elect Obama will not only be the President to Black people but to all people and to this I say I AM JUST HAPPY

I know that he is going into this job with a record deficit, a suffering economy, two wars, increased animosity towards the United States but I must still say that I AM JUST HAPPY.

I know that I am seeing a time in history that I personally did not know would happen, a time that my mother who at age 70 said that she never thought she would see and a time that my grandma (who I mentioned in a previous post) was 93 years old when she passed away never even dreamed to be possible makes me JUST HAPPY.

I know that he is not a saviour of any type and that he is just a man but it MAKES ME HAPPY that just maybe the world will see the United States with renewed eyes.

I AM JUST HAPPY to see a Black man with the intelligence, the integrity, and the will to begin a new era in leadership

I AM JUST HAPPY to see a Black man that is confident enough to have an intelligent, strong beautiful Black woman whom he loves by his side.

I AM JUST HAPPY to see a man who adores his daughters.

I AM JUST HAPPY to think about the possibilities that lay ahead.

I AM JUST HAPPY that I will be able to say and believe that my yet to be born child or any young minority child that I come upon can really one day grow up to be President.

I AM JUST HAPPY that the bar has officially been raised. That this man at this time will be a role model for so many people myself included. Those dreams that seemed to diminish about being able to do anything that I put my mind to have been renewed and you guessed it...

THAT MAKES ME HAPPY


Peace and Blessings


Me

43 Things

There is a really cool site out now called 43things.com. I heard about it a few months ago when someone was talking about their "bucket list" (you know the list of things that you would like to do before you kick the bucket). Well I never checked it out until a few days ago. Well this site (once you set up an account of course) will allow you to create, update, and be reminded of a list of up to (yes you guessed it) 43 things that you would like to do. They can be longterm goals or rather short it is up to to you. Some are silly, some are deep, some are inspirational but they are goals non the less.



I made up a list of some things that just popped into my pretty little head (okay it is really not that little but you get the point :). I am sure that I will update, tweek, or downright change some of these as I go on.



http://www.43things.com/person/MsLady327



Check it out and share your list with me.



As always wishing you



Peace and Blessings





Nicole