Embrace The Change

Change can be such a scary thing. In many ways it is exciting and exhilarating. However, in other ways it can be daunting. I know that I get caught up in doing the same things, seeing the same people in short forming habits that I must say can be hard to break. It got me to thinking why is change so hard? Why is it so darn scary? I don't know what other people's answers would be but I know that the fear of the unknown when I make the change can scare the heck out of me.

The funny part about it is that I am not this way in all areas of my life. For instance I am usually the first of my friends and family to know about a new product, tool, place, etc. I also consider myself an agent of change in the workplace. While I must admit that I do better with change when given some sort of notice so that I may "prepare" myself but once that is done I can usually get on board. Why is this so hard in other areas of my life and the life of others. The only thing that I can pin this on is fear.

I willingly admit that fear holds really strong for me at times. I think that we can all agree that at times a healthy amount of fear has kept us and keep us from doing some dumb things. For example is was fear of becoming a drug addict that made it easy for me to say no to drugs. It was the fear of coming home and telling my mom that I was pregnant in high school that kept me from playing house with my first high school "love" who wanted to get high while playing house so that we could make pretty babies...whoa did I dodge that bullet...(he was so cute...but obviously not full of the smartest ideas).

However when fear starts to control me or make me afraid to take a chance on things that I would most likely recover from if it did not work out I should just jump in right? The two mantras that I try to repeat to myself when I am fearful about something are:

" You have nothing to fear but fear itself" and " God does not give us a spirit of fear but of power, love, and self control" (2 Timothy 1:7)

I know that I tend to do the safe thing most times. I do have one fear that I don't want to come true and that is letting fear rule me so much that it keeps me from living the fabulous life that this fab girl so clearly deserves. So I am saying it right here and right now I will not allow fear to be the main reason (or even one of the top 5 reasons) that I don't do something, say something, go somewhere, or take a chance that I really would like to do.

In other words I am going make it a goal to work on "Embracing the Change" that of course is the Fabulous Thing to do.

Until next time

Peace and Blessings

Me

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

Okay, on occassion I will drop a few pop culture things on my blog. Therefore check out this trailer. I like Brad Pitt okay, I mean he is not hard to look at most of the time and I still think that the timeline when he was married and when he got with his baby mama overlapped quite a bit. However, I was checking out an Oprah episode last week and he was on promoting this movie. It opens on Christmas Day and I intend to check it out. The movie is based on a short story by F. Scott Fitzgerald...whose book " The Great Gasby" you no doubt had to read in school.

The premise is that of a man who ages backwards. I mean he is born old and becomes young as he "ages". While he is becoming younger everyone else around him of course continue to age normally. His wife, his son, everyone. It makes you think about life, living, and mortality in general. It looks compelling and it gives new meaning to the phrase "Once a man and twice a child"

Me

Burden or Blessing?

Is it a burden or a blessing to be exactly who you are? This is a question that I have to ask myself on the regular. Sometimes depending on the situation I wish that I could have a different attitude, different thoughts, do things different, or just be something different than what I am right now. Now don't get me wrong this fabulous girl does realize her value and the place that it has had, does have, and will have in this world but sometimes it seems to be more of a burden.

For example I have been told that I have such a big heart. Now this is a blessing right? I mean with a big heart I can be more loving, more open, and generally just more. To be honest most of the time I like having this "big heart" I mean it allows me to love deeply. It allows me to feel compassion for others that some other people just don't get. It allows me to find joy in the smallest things. However, it can be a burden when with this big heart I tend to take on more than one should. When my heart is "broken" it hearts a great deal and often takes a little more time than average to be repaired. I have always been very empathetic but I find myself often trying to fix things or trying to make sure that those around me are happy.

That is just one of my examples but there are many out there. There are people for who are particularly skilled in a certain area and this is often considered a blessing or a gift. The burden comes in when that gift or talent is used unjustly, ridiculed, or simply taken for granted. How about when your "blessing" defines you or totally engulfs you? Now I know that the bearer has control on how they and their abilities are used but I am saying that often times this is much easier said than done.

Until Next Time

Peace and Blessings,

Me

Time To Change My Approach

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." - The Serenity Prayer

For those of you who are not familiar with the above it is the prayer that is used in many twelve step programs such as Alcoholics Anonymous. For many years I have heard or seen some version of the above prayer. I have seen it hanging in offices. I have seen it on a co-workers desk. I have even whispered it myself a few times. The purpose of the prayer is to allow the person saying it to realize that they can be agents of change but they have to know when and what they are able to change. I think to myself how often I wish certain things or certain people will change. Personally, I am going through this right now. I find myself wishing that people would do things differently or that they would treat me differently. Heck, I find myself wishing that things were just different. Well wish as I may the thing that is apparent is that I have control over myself and that is the one entity that I can change for sure.

How do I change myself without changing who I fundamentally am. To me this is much easier said than done. I have friends and family alike who don't see the big deal but for me it is just that. This is especially true if you have been doing the same things for so long. What do you do when it is part of your identity to be the loving, caring, supportive, fun, dependable person but at the same time you never really have any of that returned to you? How do you tell the difference between what can be changed and what cannot be changed so in effect how do you know the difference? I guess like the programs that use this prayer this is a process that must be taken in steps. I recently came across some advice that I am going to try and follow. It states the following:

• Accept people as they are- This may seem like a no-brainer but my friend Ms.Nikki points this out very clearly in one of her recent post called Take The Hint that people let you know who they are by their actions. It really does not take rocket science...and you should not be "trying to figure it out" when it is right there all along.
• How can I respond differently to relationships that I am in where I am wishing they would change? Basically, I guess I need to stop wishing they would change and accept them for the less perfect than me person that they are :). Seriously, I choose my responses right? People can only treat you the way that you allow them to treat you. Wow this is a big one for me because I am often torn because I want to still respect the person (a parent or other elder for example) but at the same time I am often so pissed at the treatment that it will send me to tears. There has to be a middle ground or maybe the only ground is that I need to check them before they wreck me.
• What boundaries if any do I need to set in order to protect my own peace and serenity? Boundaries are a must. I have to repeat to myself that people will only treat you the way that you allow them to treat you. Boundaries are a must. People will only do what you let them do. For example I don't like being taken for granted. Don't get me wrong I don't need accolades for everything that I say and/or do for a person but on occasion a show of appreciation is well...appreciated. It should also not be assumed that this is what I am going to do or that in some way I am supposed to do it.
• Have I met the request to change? Whoa hold up wait a minute this is not about me changing right? But it is. There are ways that I can change. I may have to adapt. Is this possible without changing my core as I stated earlier? It has to be. I am believer that we continually evolve throughout our lives in no way should we remain static. However special attention may have to be paid to certain areas. One of the hard facts to swallow is that maybe it is me that should change. Maybe the people in my life have been telling me that I am the one that needs to change. I don't always see this but it could be up for discussion.
• Self Reflection- I am all for self reflection...almost to a fault. I know that by looking inward I am often able to see things that I can adjust. This is an ongoing exercise that I encourage.

That is all for now. I will keep thinking and I will keep you updated.

Peace and Blessings,

Me

There Will Never Be Another Today

I was chatting with a co-worker today and we were just generally talking about our weekend plans. She then said to me " You know there will never be another today". I mean it was totally out of the blue. At first I was like...okay? However, it did get me to thinking. It made me realize how I should cherish each day. One of my favorite songs is by Tim McGraw called " Live Like You are Dying". The words tell of a man who found out some bad news from his doctors and he said that he then went on to live out all of the things that he had been wanting to do. The truth is that we should all have this attitude without feeling like we are dying but the grim truth is that we are. Each day that I wake up I thank God for giving me one more chance to get it right. While at the same time it is one less day that I have.

I think of how many times I rushed through each of my days trying to get things done. I have gone through days wishing they would just hurry up and end. I think of times that I have been with loved ones and not really cherished that time. I thought about the last time that I spoke with my grandmother who was 93 when she passed away. When I would speak with her over the phone I would always end my calls with an "I love you". I knew that one day that would be the last time that I would be able to say those words to her. While I was sad to hear the words that my grandmother had passed away I was happy to know that in my last conversation with her only a couple of days before I had told her that I loved her. I knew it and she knew it.

I know that I have to embrace each day for the unique day that it is. I may do the same thing, see the same people, go the same way to work, eat the same foods the truth is that each day is a day that I have never seen nor will I ever see again.

So, I will take the challenge to remember that there will never be another today and enjoy each day for its uniqueness.

I Am Just Happy

It has been over two weeks since we elected Barack Obama as the 44th President of the United States. I have read countless articles and post on the meaning of this historic election. I have seen endless news stories and commentaries on this election and on this man. I don't really have much more to add to all of the great feelings of achievement, pride, joy, accomplishment other than ditto. I have been trying to find the words of eloquence to explain how I feel about this new era that our country is about to embark upon. Well I just don't have any fancy words the best that I can come up with is that " I AM JUST HAPPY"

I know that President-elect Obama will not only be the President to Black people but to all people and to this I say I AM JUST HAPPY

I know that he is going into this job with a record deficit, a suffering economy, two wars, increased animosity towards the United States but I must still say that I AM JUST HAPPY.

I know that I am seeing a time in history that I personally did not know would happen, a time that my mother who at age 70 said that she never thought she would see and a time that my grandma (who I mentioned in a previous post) was 93 years old when she passed away never even dreamed to be possible makes me JUST HAPPY.

I know that he is not a saviour of any type and that he is just a man but it MAKES ME HAPPY that just maybe the world will see the United States with renewed eyes.

I AM JUST HAPPY to see a Black man with the intelligence, the integrity, and the will to begin a new era in leadership

I AM JUST HAPPY to see a Black man that is confident enough to have an intelligent, strong beautiful Black woman whom he loves by his side.

I AM JUST HAPPY to see a man who adores his daughters.

I AM JUST HAPPY to think about the possibilities that lay ahead.

I AM JUST HAPPY that I will be able to say and believe that my yet to be born child or any young minority child that I come upon can really one day grow up to be President.

I AM JUST HAPPY that the bar has officially been raised. That this man at this time will be a role model for so many people myself included. Those dreams that seemed to diminish about being able to do anything that I put my mind to have been renewed and you guessed it...

THAT MAKES ME HAPPY


Peace and Blessings


Me

43 Things

There is a really cool site out now called 43things.com. I heard about it a few months ago when someone was talking about their "bucket list" (you know the list of things that you would like to do before you kick the bucket). Well I never checked it out until a few days ago. Well this site (once you set up an account of course) will allow you to create, update, and be reminded of a list of up to (yes you guessed it) 43 things that you would like to do. They can be longterm goals or rather short it is up to to you. Some are silly, some are deep, some are inspirational but they are goals non the less.



I made up a list of some things that just popped into my pretty little head (okay it is really not that little but you get the point :). I am sure that I will update, tweek, or downright change some of these as I go on.



http://www.43things.com/person/MsLady327



Check it out and share your list with me.



As always wishing you



Peace and Blessings





Nicole

Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones....

The old phrase " Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me" is not true at all. In my humble opinion you can heal from physical bruises and you may have a scar or two but words resonate in your head. They have the nerve to pop up at the most inopportune times long after you think that you have forgotten them. They in effect impact your self esteem.

Words have always held a certain amount of power in my life. You may think that is a "duh" statement because words effect everyone considering that we all use them everyday right? Well yes I will agree that we all use them but many of us are not aware how much words are embraced.

I have always been a wordsmith of sorts. Let my mother tell it I was so brilliant that I was reading the graffiti on her womb (just kidding she really says that I was kicking back reading the newspaper at four). I have always found great pleasure in the magic of words in books that I would simply devour. Growing up books were often my best friends. I was a loner of sorts who loved to escape in my books because they could take you anywhere. I found some of my best friends in books...like Margaret in Judy Blume's "Are you there God It's Me Margaret?" or Deenie in the book by the same name. I was transformed by the words in the books. To this day I love the magic of words as inevitably there is something that find that adds insight to some part of my life. Words can shape you, make you, form you, express you, grow you and yes even cut you.

This brings me to a recent experience at my local Target. I was in the baby aisle looking for a gift for a shower that I was to attend. I was in the aisle with this lady who had her little girl who was about three no older than four was in the large part of the cart. Well the mother was looking for a gift and the little girl just kept chatting in her little girl talk and she kept bothering her mothers purse. The mom told her once or twice to stop and to leave the purse alone...never moved it just told her not to touch this little magic bag (at least that what I thought my mom's purse was). Well the little girl touched the purse again and boy did mom use her words!!! I don't mean in a good way either. She said something to the effect of " Didn't I tell you to leave my f*cking purse alone? Put it back before I knock the sh*t out of your dumb ass" I must tell you all that I let out and audible sound of shock and surprise. Now don't get me wrong I am not for children not obeying their parents but I think that you all would agree that the words that were chosen were a bit harsh to say the least to say to an adult let alone a little baby. Mom then must have realized that I was behind her (or maybe she felt bad...I don't know) but her voice got softer and she asked the little girl which baby tub should she pick for the gift. Now I am not saying that this woman is a bad mother I am sure that she loves her daughter but the power of the words that she spoke to her on that day...the little girl may not even remember that particualar day ( but maybe she will) . I would also venture to say that this is not the first or last time that she will use such language with her daughter who will be shaped by the words of her mother.

Words have shaped me and they shape our future. We need to be mindful of the words that we speak to each other. I know that words affected me and they continue to do so. Growing up the words that kids used to tease me affected me... I was called things like Creature From the Black Lagoon, Blackie, Monkey, told the I had "The black touch" and anyone who touched me would have it too. These words sorry to say had some impact on the woman that I am today. I have to fight those thoughts of feeling less then whenever they creep into my thoughts. Many of you would say that I should get over it but the words were said during a critical time in my life. Now my mother would try to counter act those words by telling me that I am beautiful, smart, and that those other people were jealous (but honestly wouldn't she be a poor excuse for a mom if she didn't?) but these words hurt non the less. The words that impact me now do so differently but they still have some impact. I am a woman that is sensitive to the words that I use to express myself because I know that words hold so much power. The old phrase " Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me" is not true at all. In my humble opinion you can heal from physical bruises and you may have a scar or two but words resonate in your head. They in effect impact your self esteem.

Words have an affect on how high you can rise in this world. The mother of Barack Obama would tell her son that he could be whatever he wanted to be...and look at him now. Do you think that we would be seeing this man where he is right now if his mother had told him that he was stupid or that he would never be any better than his absent father? No I say not.

People watch your words. Speak kindly to people even when they don't deserve it. Don't say mean things just to be mean. Even when you are angry keep in mind the words that you say. Try not to say words that will cut to the core or that attacks a person in a way that they really cannot change. In fact try this little exercise make it a point to say something nice to at least three people a day...it should be genuine. I promise that you can find something to say. I admit that it does take a little more effort to find something about some people but not only will they be blessed by your words but you will be blessed by saying them.

Until next time...


Peace and Blessings,


Nicole

Hakuna Matata

I recently went to see the stage production of one of my favorite movies. You can probably tell by the title of this post which movie I am talking about. Well, in case you can't quite pull it the play was The Lion King. To say that it was one of the most beautiful stage productions that I have seen in quite some time would be an understatement. I have always loved the movie in fact I remember when it came out over 15 years ago begging my mom to come to the movies with me to go and see it (well I did not want to be the only grown up there without a child...and as it turned out I would not have been...but I digress). Now of course I am a child at heart and I loved it then. One of my favorite songs in the movie and the musical of course is Hakuna Matata. "It means no worries for the rest of your days...its our problem free philosophy Hakuna Matata". I often try to find lessons in the smallest things and I must say that this song pops up and teaches me a new lesson (and sometimes renewed lesson) every now and then.

In the plot Simba runs off because he believes that he has caused the death of his father. I think that we could all agree that would send us for a loop as well. When he goes off he meets and hangs out for a few years with a couple of "characters" and they sing this song to him to basically let him know among many things that life is what you make it. It is only a problem if you allow it to be. That you can either choose to allow things to worry you or not. Basically, it is their own version of that song that used to annoy me everytime they played it "Don't Worry Be Happy". Now it does not annoy me quite as much for a couple of reasons the first of course is because they do not play it adnauseum any longer and second of all I am finding that you can choose to be happy.

I am working on applying both viewpoints to my life right now. I have been going through a spell of allowing things and people and certain situations make me sad. There have been many reasons for my sadness. Some of which include being dissapointed in people and situations. Some from feeling disregarded. Some from feeling stupid for putting so much value in others who don't seem to value me. Some from feeling that I am not doing enough to "make it happen". Basically, I have been worrying a lot, crying a lot, and just not being the happy go lucky Nicole I have grown to know and love :).

I once learned that we all have to have some type of anchor to keep us from going off edge. I believe that we often need different anchors for different situations. So there it is one of my anchors is Hankuna Matata...no worries.

What does no worries mean for me?

• Well no worries means that I will not worry about things that I cannot change.
• No worries means that I will not focus on making others happier than they actually want to be.
• No worries means that I will not be more concerned for others than they are for themselves.
• No worries means that I will focus more on my own happiness.
• No worries means that I will limit my caring about what others think of me especially when I know that I am doing all that I can to be the best person that I can be.

Don't get me wrong. I do not plan to become calloused and uncaring but I do plan on trying to stop worrying and finding more joy and happiness within.

So what is it that you have to sing Hankuna Matata about? Ask yourself...no really ask yourself. Hit me back if you have any input on this or if you would like to share your Hakuna Matata story.

Wishing you ...

Peace and Blessings

Nicole

I Don't Wanna Be Your Baby Mama!

In a time when women are deemed as being independent, strong, equals why is it that men do not feel as if they can just be friends with a woman? Why is it that they think if you are nice to them or ask them out for oh I don't know...lunch that you must want to have their baby. Okay, let me explain. I recently was invited to a Halloween party. In an effort to do something different I decided to ask a co-worker who I have a passing cool relationship with. He seems as if he is cool so I asked if he would like to come to the party with me only as friends ( I made this very clear...I even suggested that there may be some fun people there). Well he told me that he had to check to see if he had plans on the night that I asked him. Now for a little background the party is on the 1st of November and I asked him last Thursday. Well Friday, the weekend, and Monday all come and went and he never said anything. So I emailed him and asked if he would be able to go. He sends me this lame excuse that he had things going on during the day and he would try to make it for a couple of hours but that he would hook up with his friends later....whatever!

One of my friends that knows him was like well you are not his "type". He likes little girls with small waists and even smaller butts. Well while he is cute to be a white guy ( oh I guess I did not mention that) he is not my type either. I was just thinking that he might be cool to hang out with. Let me say it here and now I DON'T WANNA BE YOUR BABY MAMA!!!!

Let me say that this is not the first time that a guy has taken my innocent invitation as something more. I also don't know how to take it if I did want something more. I guess I should not take the rejection personally but it is getting kind of hard not to. I believe that a guy and girl can be just friends. Apparently men have a hard time with this concept. I personally think that there is value in having a friend of the opposite sex if just for a different perspective.

I can honestly say that the said guy from work, the guy from the university that I tried to befriend, my friend from my other job, and a few others are missing out on having a cool friend that happens to be a girl.

I have an older lady friend who summed it up by saying that men are not used to a woman that is confident, beautiful, and secure within herself and that I should not give up and that I should not take it personally. She is sure that it is a special person that would have to be in my world. I am going to take here up on this and I hope that this is the case. I am praying for the strength to keep on keeping on and keep on holding on to all that I have to offer and all of me and the glory that God has given me to walk in. As my girl Jill Scott says " I am the real thing in stereo". So there!!!!!!