Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones....

The old phrase " Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me" is not true at all. In my humble opinion you can heal from physical bruises and you may have a scar or two but words resonate in your head. They have the nerve to pop up at the most inopportune times long after you think that you have forgotten them. They in effect impact your self esteem.

Words have always held a certain amount of power in my life. You may think that is a "duh" statement because words effect everyone considering that we all use them everyday right? Well yes I will agree that we all use them but many of us are not aware how much words are embraced.

I have always been a wordsmith of sorts. Let my mother tell it I was so brilliant that I was reading the graffiti on her womb (just kidding she really says that I was kicking back reading the newspaper at four). I have always found great pleasure in the magic of words in books that I would simply devour. Growing up books were often my best friends. I was a loner of sorts who loved to escape in my books because they could take you anywhere. I found some of my best friends in books...like Margaret in Judy Blume's "Are you there God It's Me Margaret?" or Deenie in the book by the same name. I was transformed by the words in the books. To this day I love the magic of words as inevitably there is something that find that adds insight to some part of my life. Words can shape you, make you, form you, express you, grow you and yes even cut you.

This brings me to a recent experience at my local Target. I was in the baby aisle looking for a gift for a shower that I was to attend. I was in the aisle with this lady who had her little girl who was about three no older than four was in the large part of the cart. Well the mother was looking for a gift and the little girl just kept chatting in her little girl talk and she kept bothering her mothers purse. The mom told her once or twice to stop and to leave the purse alone...never moved it just told her not to touch this little magic bag (at least that what I thought my mom's purse was). Well the little girl touched the purse again and boy did mom use her words!!! I don't mean in a good way either. She said something to the effect of " Didn't I tell you to leave my f*cking purse alone? Put it back before I knock the sh*t out of your dumb ass" I must tell you all that I let out and audible sound of shock and surprise. Now don't get me wrong I am not for children not obeying their parents but I think that you all would agree that the words that were chosen were a bit harsh to say the least to say to an adult let alone a little baby. Mom then must have realized that I was behind her (or maybe she felt bad...I don't know) but her voice got softer and she asked the little girl which baby tub should she pick for the gift. Now I am not saying that this woman is a bad mother I am sure that she loves her daughter but the power of the words that she spoke to her on that day...the little girl may not even remember that particualar day ( but maybe she will) . I would also venture to say that this is not the first or last time that she will use such language with her daughter who will be shaped by the words of her mother.

Words have shaped me and they shape our future. We need to be mindful of the words that we speak to each other. I know that words affected me and they continue to do so. Growing up the words that kids used to tease me affected me... I was called things like Creature From the Black Lagoon, Blackie, Monkey, told the I had "The black touch" and anyone who touched me would have it too. These words sorry to say had some impact on the woman that I am today. I have to fight those thoughts of feeling less then whenever they creep into my thoughts. Many of you would say that I should get over it but the words were said during a critical time in my life. Now my mother would try to counter act those words by telling me that I am beautiful, smart, and that those other people were jealous (but honestly wouldn't she be a poor excuse for a mom if she didn't?) but these words hurt non the less. The words that impact me now do so differently but they still have some impact. I am a woman that is sensitive to the words that I use to express myself because I know that words hold so much power. The old phrase " Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me" is not true at all. In my humble opinion you can heal from physical bruises and you may have a scar or two but words resonate in your head. They in effect impact your self esteem.

Words have an affect on how high you can rise in this world. The mother of Barack Obama would tell her son that he could be whatever he wanted to be...and look at him now. Do you think that we would be seeing this man where he is right now if his mother had told him that he was stupid or that he would never be any better than his absent father? No I say not.

People watch your words. Speak kindly to people even when they don't deserve it. Don't say mean things just to be mean. Even when you are angry keep in mind the words that you say. Try not to say words that will cut to the core or that attacks a person in a way that they really cannot change. In fact try this little exercise make it a point to say something nice to at least three people a day...it should be genuine. I promise that you can find something to say. I admit that it does take a little more effort to find something about some people but not only will they be blessed by your words but you will be blessed by saying them.

Until next time...


Peace and Blessings,


Nicole

Hakuna Matata

I recently went to see the stage production of one of my favorite movies. You can probably tell by the title of this post which movie I am talking about. Well, in case you can't quite pull it the play was The Lion King. To say that it was one of the most beautiful stage productions that I have seen in quite some time would be an understatement. I have always loved the movie in fact I remember when it came out over 15 years ago begging my mom to come to the movies with me to go and see it (well I did not want to be the only grown up there without a child...and as it turned out I would not have been...but I digress). Now of course I am a child at heart and I loved it then. One of my favorite songs in the movie and the musical of course is Hakuna Matata. "It means no worries for the rest of your days...its our problem free philosophy Hakuna Matata". I often try to find lessons in the smallest things and I must say that this song pops up and teaches me a new lesson (and sometimes renewed lesson) every now and then.

In the plot Simba runs off because he believes that he has caused the death of his father. I think that we could all agree that would send us for a loop as well. When he goes off he meets and hangs out for a few years with a couple of "characters" and they sing this song to him to basically let him know among many things that life is what you make it. It is only a problem if you allow it to be. That you can either choose to allow things to worry you or not. Basically, it is their own version of that song that used to annoy me everytime they played it "Don't Worry Be Happy". Now it does not annoy me quite as much for a couple of reasons the first of course is because they do not play it adnauseum any longer and second of all I am finding that you can choose to be happy.

I am working on applying both viewpoints to my life right now. I have been going through a spell of allowing things and people and certain situations make me sad. There have been many reasons for my sadness. Some of which include being dissapointed in people and situations. Some from feeling disregarded. Some from feeling stupid for putting so much value in others who don't seem to value me. Some from feeling that I am not doing enough to "make it happen". Basically, I have been worrying a lot, crying a lot, and just not being the happy go lucky Nicole I have grown to know and love :).

I once learned that we all have to have some type of anchor to keep us from going off edge. I believe that we often need different anchors for different situations. So there it is one of my anchors is Hankuna Matata...no worries.

What does no worries mean for me?

• Well no worries means that I will not worry about things that I cannot change.
• No worries means that I will not focus on making others happier than they actually want to be.
• No worries means that I will not be more concerned for others than they are for themselves.
• No worries means that I will focus more on my own happiness.
• No worries means that I will limit my caring about what others think of me especially when I know that I am doing all that I can to be the best person that I can be.

Don't get me wrong. I do not plan to become calloused and uncaring but I do plan on trying to stop worrying and finding more joy and happiness within.

So what is it that you have to sing Hankuna Matata about? Ask yourself...no really ask yourself. Hit me back if you have any input on this or if you would like to share your Hakuna Matata story.

Wishing you ...

Peace and Blessings

Nicole

I Don't Wanna Be Your Baby Mama!

In a time when women are deemed as being independent, strong, equals why is it that men do not feel as if they can just be friends with a woman? Why is it that they think if you are nice to them or ask them out for oh I don't know...lunch that you must want to have their baby. Okay, let me explain. I recently was invited to a Halloween party. In an effort to do something different I decided to ask a co-worker who I have a passing cool relationship with. He seems as if he is cool so I asked if he would like to come to the party with me only as friends ( I made this very clear...I even suggested that there may be some fun people there). Well he told me that he had to check to see if he had plans on the night that I asked him. Now for a little background the party is on the 1st of November and I asked him last Thursday. Well Friday, the weekend, and Monday all come and went and he never said anything. So I emailed him and asked if he would be able to go. He sends me this lame excuse that he had things going on during the day and he would try to make it for a couple of hours but that he would hook up with his friends later....whatever!

One of my friends that knows him was like well you are not his "type". He likes little girls with small waists and even smaller butts. Well while he is cute to be a white guy ( oh I guess I did not mention that) he is not my type either. I was just thinking that he might be cool to hang out with. Let me say it here and now I DON'T WANNA BE YOUR BABY MAMA!!!!

Let me say that this is not the first time that a guy has taken my innocent invitation as something more. I also don't know how to take it if I did want something more. I guess I should not take the rejection personally but it is getting kind of hard not to. I believe that a guy and girl can be just friends. Apparently men have a hard time with this concept. I personally think that there is value in having a friend of the opposite sex if just for a different perspective.

I can honestly say that the said guy from work, the guy from the university that I tried to befriend, my friend from my other job, and a few others are missing out on having a cool friend that happens to be a girl.

I have an older lady friend who summed it up by saying that men are not used to a woman that is confident, beautiful, and secure within herself and that I should not give up and that I should not take it personally. She is sure that it is a special person that would have to be in my world. I am going to take here up on this and I hope that this is the case. I am praying for the strength to keep on keeping on and keep on holding on to all that I have to offer and all of me and the glory that God has given me to walk in. As my girl Jill Scott says " I am the real thing in stereo". So there!!!!!!

Why Did My Daddy Go Off and Get Married???

Okay, so a few weeks ago my father called to ask me if I had a copy of he and my moms divorce decree. Well I told him that I did not have it but that he should just call and ask mommy for it or at the most he would have to contact the state of the divorce and just request a copy for himself. So I asked him what was up why do you need it daddy? and he said "Well I am trying to buy this house that I live in and they need it" Sounds fishy right? Yeah I thought so...but I left it alone. Anyway he called me last week and said that he had gotten the papers sent to him because my mommy was tripping. So I said " Daddy why did you say that you needed the papers again?" He then pretended like we had such a bad connection that he could not hear me and that he would talk to me later. I really did not think anything else about it.

My dad had mentioned that he had broken up with this chick named "Red" that he had been with for sometime. In fact this is the woman that he left my mom for. Now I am not bitter...okay maybe I am a little but but I never liked her. First of all she used to call our house talking mess to me and my brother when we were kids. My mom was pissed the first time that happened and my daddy begged my mommy not to leave and he changed the number. But guess what???? Yep the bitch called again. Long story short my daddy was with this chick for while and lets put it this way she has a face that only a mother could love. Okay so I know that was a little mean spirited but this subject seems to bring this out in me. Okay I digress because this posting really does not have anything to do with her but I wanted to lay out some history.

Well today my dad starts talking about Red out of the blue and how he is not with her. I said okay because he had told me this a while back. Then he tells me...are you ready for this....he tells me that he got married to some chick that he knows that I would like. She is not Red...in his words she is "black like you baby"...meaning darker complected of course. He goes on to tell me that she has 3 girls and that I have three more sisters...uh did I ask for more sisters? No, I am not being a petulant little brat I just did not plan on becoming part of the Brady bunch when I am knocking the heck out of 40.

Needless to say I was stumped because he never said that he wanted to get married again. Second of all I was pissed (so pissed that I cried) because he just flat out lied to me about why he wanted the divorce papers from my mommy. He lied to her and me about this. My mommy does not want him...they cannot be in the room together for more than a few minutes without fussing.

It honestly drives me crazy. I don't understand why he had to lie. You may have heard the saying " I rather live with a thief than I liar" because at least you know that you have to hide your sh*t. So I am tired of liars especially when it is not necessary. You know they say that your father forms so many of your opinions about men. When I think about it that has been true for me. Whenever I feel as if someone (especially men) are lying to me I just shut them off. I know this is not always the healthiest approach and it may have blocked me from some great things and I am trying not to allow this to have so much power.

Now don't get me wrong I want my daddy to be happy I do but I am hurt because he lied to me. I know that my mom will be stumped too. She has told me that she could never be with him so I know that she will not be upset about not being with him but I know that she will be tripped out. I can't stand liars...did I say that already?

My dad wants me to talk to this chick...nope I don't even know her name yet...and I will because honestly if she loves my dad and makes him happy I really don't have anything against her I just hate that he lied to me. I hate that he did not tell me that he was getting married and just did so on the sneak move. He knows that if I did that he would be highly upset with me. I have another question...How is it that my 65 year old daddy can find someone to get married to and I can't even get a decent date???? Okay, this just isn't fair

After all of that....

Peace and Blessings

Tina Fey and Amy Poler...This is funny

It is amazing how the truth can be so darn funny

LeShawn's Wedding

These are pictures from my little cousins wedding. I am very happy for her and I am not at all bitter about being the bridesmaid yet again :).

Witnessing History

I am so full right now. I am sitting here watching the Democratic Convention. I was out all day but I came in on when they were showing Hillary Clinton moving that the votes be suspended and that Obama be nominated as the Democratic Candidate for President of the United States. It was great to see a woman who ran a great campaign for president, nominate the first Black man to be nominated by a major party to the first female Speaker of the House. It took me a second to realize the enormity of it all. I started to have tears in my eyes. Okay, okay, yes I am a cry baby but this was something to cry about. It is a good feeling.



My grandmother died a little over 2 years ago. She was 93 years old when she passed. She was born in 1913 and boy did she see some things. My grandmother was born when women could not vote. My grandmother was born when the automobile was a novelty. My grandmother was born when black men were lynched for sport. My grandmother was born when black people could only dream about something such as a Barack Obama. My grandmother would be so proud to she Barack as he stands on the cusp of taking this all the way. She always said that she would never see a Black person as President. Well she did not live to see a Black man as President but my mother will, I will and all of the little children will, and yes the world will. I am excited at the possibility of the United States being hopeful again. I am excited at the possibility of having a President that is intelligent and insightful. I am excited and I feel renewed.



I don't know about you but I want to be a part of this change. Change is strange, Change is good, Change is at times scary but change is what we need. I am excited to be able to do all that I can to make this a reality.

Go to the website to find out more.
www.barackobama.com

Go Obama!!!!!



Peace and Blessings





Nic

Sitting at Midway and Thinking thinking thinking....

I am sitting here at Midway Airport. I was in this weekend for a wedding. One of my childhood friends got married for the second time and he seems to be very happy. I know that he is a person that likes to be married and this is going to be good for him but that wife that he married seems a little different. I just hope that he is going to be truly happy and fulfilled. Most of the people that were in his wedding were childhood friends as well. All of the groomsmen are married and they have children as well. A couple of them were guys who we used to play catch a girl kiss a girl with :). Sitting here as the spinster of the group I got to wondering what I should be doing. What is it about me and the choices that I have made that has led me to. Hmmm I am thinking and thinking.
I am heading back home to T's house. I am feeling more and more as if this is not my home at all. T and I have been having issues. Since 2006 she has been a totally different person. This was a difficult year for her considering it was the year that both her father and brother died. I have only tried to be a good friend to her but she can only seem to be tolerant of me at best and more often mean and insensitive. She says that it is tough love but I am not on crack and that is not what is needed from her. Every time I try to talk to her it seems as if it does not really do any good. I feel as if I am always the person that wants to make sure that everything is okay. In doing this I often am the one who has to bring up talks or make concessions. T says that she is the way that she is because she thinks that I should be doing so much more than I am currently doing with my life. Right now what I am doing is what I want to do. I also don’t think that just because I am not doing what she things I should be doing makes it okay for her to treat me like sh*t. This is how I feel. So I will be moving out into my own place. I am mixed about this. I am happy in some ways because it has been a while since I have been able to call a place my own. I am sad because I am afraid that I will be alone. I know that just because I am alone does not mean that I am doomed to be lonely but it seems that way. I am going to miss the boys so much. Anyone who knows me know that I love those boys so very much and yes they love me. I am also going to miss Princess a lot. She was not supposed to be my dog but she has evolved into just that. The place that I am moving to does not allow dogs so that makes me sad. The feeling that I am having is heaviness in my heart. It really and truly hurts I actually have a physical pain that I cannot describe. I don’t want our friendship/sisterhood to end. I would hate for a friendship of over 13 years to just fall to the waist side. This to shall pass right????

Okay, so it has been a while since I have posted anything. I really don't think about it but a friend of mine (another Nicole) sent an email saying check out her blog. Well it got me to thinking that this could be a good way to let friends know what is going on in this pretty little head of mine. Right now...I am feeling frustrated. I mean to the point that at times I don't know rather to scream or to cry. Lately, I have been crying more than anything. This is not necessarily a bad thing for me because I am a cryer. I cry when I am happy, sad, angry, or glad. The hard thing is that sometimes people seem to take your tears for weakness. The last thing I am is weak.

The Perfect Match?

I have not had this feeling for quite sometime. I mean I have been going through my everyday life not really thinking about getting with someone. Now don't get me wrong I do want to have a boyfriend but I think that I have tried to numb myself and not fantasize as much because I don't want to be disappointed. I have been thinking more about what I actually want in a man. I want to meet my soul-mate...hmmm does that person really exist? I think that he does. I want someone who is well...perfect for me. I don't want the perfect person because let's face it that person would be really hard to live with but I do want to have a one of a kind, totally overwhelming love of a lifetime. I see so many of my friends and family experiencing relationships (some good and some not so good) but they are none the less relationships. It has been many years for me but I am still holding on to hope that I will find that person. I know that Mr. Right will not just show up to my door so I am trying to make myself more approachable and I even signed up for a couple of dating sites. Now that has not turned up anything except for a really not so interesting "coffee date" in which the person did not even buy himself any coffee or tea...a little strange. If I got into lots of detail it would most likely be really boring (not unlike the date itself) but at least I tried something new.